The secret my father had been shielding me from for years finally,, violently and explosively came out just as I turned 14 years old. My mother is an alcoholic. When she relapsed as I became a teenager, it was bad.

I saw my father draw a line in the sand with my mother and when she crossed it, to protect his children, he followed through with the consequences. This was really healthy for me to see because it showed me the value in standing up for yourself. It set me on the correct course.

I often joke with my father…

Take a look at this advert.

Before the pandemic I walked past this exact advert on the London Underground every day and eventually I took a photograph of it. It was unusual after all, to see something “Christian” so overtly advertised in such a dignified way- with grace.

The few contacts I’d had with “Christianity” previously reinforced my disdain for the whole thing: the self-published magazines that after scratching beneath the surface were clearly promoting extremely unhealthy ideas, the people outside the train stations and in the public squares generally being a nuisance, accosting strangers and blaring from speakerphones that…

This year has hands-down been the worst year of my life. I was forced out of my home just as the first lockdown hit due to my neighbour’s extreme anti-social behaviour. I was then seriously injured in the line of duty and left temporarily-disabled overnight. I spent the next half-a-year as a prisoner in my own body as the damage done was so delicately repairing I could do no exercise at all. My mental health for the first time in my life took a tumble and threatened to destroy my relationship with the woman I so dearly love.

I barely…

Life isn’t always smooth sailing.

I recently found myself sailing through a particularly violent storm. At my lowest moment I was fortunate enough to receive some incredible advice:

“You’re going to make it through, there’s no question about that. But when you do make it through to the other side, you want to make it through with all your friendships and relationships in tact. You want to make it through still being with your partner and able to laugh with your mates. …

“Where are you going?” thought the Policeman stood under the train station’s entrance taking shelter from the rain.

We’re all on a journey of some kind, and I miss you.

I miss the person I was at the start of this year; passionate about my work, joyful and optimistic. I’m on a journey to try and find him again.

Everything that touches you leaves an impact on you, changes you. Sometimes a traumatic incident “changes you forever” a colleague told me, “you just can’t recover from it”.

I don’t want to change, I don’t want to be bitter or angry…

Memories are gold. Memories are the only thing that matter. When all is said and done at the end of the day and another moment flashes brilliantly past us- memories are all that remains.

All things eventually come to an end; and when that happens and you’re stood staring into the emptiness of that end- the only thing you have left is you. You and the way the events changed you, the impact they left on you. Those memories last forever. …